


How To Write Dramione

by ShiieldMaidenofGondor



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Parody, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-17 11:51:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2308727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShiieldMaidenofGondor/pseuds/ShiieldMaidenofGondor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I love a good Dramione story, but anyone who reads them knows that there really is a right way to write one. So, here for those who wish to write their own, is a simple how-to guide to writing a classic Dramione story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How To Write Dramione

First, I'd like to say that I love a good Dramione story. That being said, anyone who reads them knows that they follow a very strict outline and that really, there _is_ a right way to do it. So, for those who wish to write their own, I have put together a simple how-to guide to just how you should go about writing a Dramione story.

 

You should start in Dramione's seventh year. Have Voldemort be defeated during either their fourth, fifth, or sixth year, clearing out that interesting plot. You don't need to spend a lot of time on that explanation, a few sentences should do the trick. Should you choose to keep old Moldy Voldy around, the Golden Trio _cannot_ be on a horcrux mission for the sake of Dramione. You can decide just why the Golden Trio isn't on their horcrux hunt, whatever you want. 

 

Now that that's out of the way, you can get to our dear Hermione and Draco. We start in the summer. You just have to, it's how the books are after all, why mess with that perfectly good formula? Spend your first chapter discussing how Hermione has "changed" over the summer. You MUST mention that her hair is no longer "a tangled, bushy mess", "frizzy", or "previously bushy". Her hair MUST now be "still curly, but falling in golden ringlets over her shoulders". You really should use that phrasing. Everyone else does. You'll also need to manipulate Hermione and Ginny so that they're best friends, and once you've done that, figure out a way to get Ginny and Hermione into the same school year. When you first describe Hermione's clothing, it needs to be something tight-fitting, something that the canon Hermione would never wear. Halter tops and shorts are popular choices. You need to be sure to compare it to her school robes, to really intensify the contrast. 

 

Somehow, you need to rid yourself of the little Romione snag. Either break them up or just make it so that they were never together in the first place. Have Hermione receive her Hogwarts letter at the end of the chapter and be sure to give her the position of Head Girl. This is ESSENTIAL. 

 

In the second chapter, describe how Draco has "changed" too. If you make just the right changes to their canon characters, Draco and Hermione will be perfect for each other. Draco has to be sexy. Everyone makes him sexy, not just the Dramione writers. Preferably use the phrase "quidditch-toned muscles." Don't worry about the logistics of that, it's a sport and therefore _must_ make him muscular. Let your readers wonder how seeking can give you abs. It's not your problem. Personality-wise, Draco should have been brooding or thinking about who he _really is_ all summer, finally coming to the decision that he was never a real supporter of Voldemort. You need your readers to be sympathetic towards him if they're going to go along with this. But you have to give him a reason for going along with old Voldy. Two of the common ones are that he did it because A: his father made him, or B: he wanted to protect his family. Either way, he needs to be perceived as a softie who still _thinks_ that he's prejudiced against "mudbloods". During the summer, he has think about Hermione a minimum of three times, referring to her as "Granger" or "that mudblood girl". When you give him his Hogwarts letter, you need to make him Head Boy. Also essential. When he first sees te badge, you should describe it as a "shiny silver badge with the letters HB emblazoned on it."

 

After your two short summer chapters, set your third chapter on September first and title it "Kings Cross," "Going Back," or "the Head Boy." You see, this is the chapter where Draco and Hermione find out who the head girl/boy is respectively. Have them make this discovery when one enters the heads compartment to find the other already there. If you decide that Hermione is the one who enters, she can only be late because she was talking to Harry and Ron. She's a good student after all, and therefore only ever has _very good_ excuses for lateness. When she enters, she has to notice how hot Draco is now, having "grown a few inches." Don't let Draco change into his school robes yet. Hermione needs to see his "quidditch-toned muscles" through his thin muggle t-shirt. It's okay to just give him muggle clothes. You need to emphasize his arms and ass, after all. 

 

If Draco is the one who enters first, he will need to notice similar things about Hermione - especially how her hair is now "no longer that bushy mess, but soft golden ringlets." Use that exact phrasing. It usually works best if you have her working on notes for head duties, smiling a little so that Draco notices how cute her smile is, and how she's no longer buck-toothed. If you want to write any smut in the later chapters, you need to start planting those seeds now. Make Draco take note of Hermione's chest and legs and how "smooth and milky" her bare skin is. If Draco doesn't notice any of that, I'm afraid your good ship Dramione might sink rather quickly. 

 

Whichever one enters first, have them try to be polite to the other. Make them have an impromptu heart-to-heart, where Draco explains how he's not _really_ evil, and how he wants them to cooperate this year. To keep her in character, have Hermione make a smart-alec comment and then to keep Draco in character, he will need to respond with insults and the word "mudblood." This, of course, will lead to a shouting match that ends when the other prefects enter for the meeting.

 

Detail, detail, detail! Even though it's not all that important to your plot, include as much detail as you can about the prefect meeting. It'll make your chapter longer. As this is going on, make Hermione notice that Draco isn't as much of a jerk judging by how he leads the prefect meeting. If you chose to write this in Hermione's perspective, end the chapter with her wondering if Draco has really changed or not.

 

During the fourth chapter, they arrive at Hogwarts. Again, add as much detail about the feast as you possibly can. But you can skip over the sorting. Everyone else does. Dumbledore's speech is up to your interpretation of his character. Dumbledore doesn't have to be completely by-the-book, hardly anyone writes him in character anyways. After the feast, either McGonagall or Dumbledore will need to inform Dramione that they have to share a head dorm. Again, this is essential! Don't worry about how crazy it would be for Dumbledore to have a seventeen-year-old boy and a seventeen-year-old girl in the same living space. You need this for your _plot._  (and by plot, I mean that future smut)

 

After that short fourth chapter, (it's okay, you made up for it with all the prefect round detail in the third chapter) it's time for you to introduce your readers to the head dorm. It MUST resemble the Gryffindor common room. If you don't want this chapter to be short, this is an opportunity for more detail that has no bearing on the plot! Describe it as "cozy," "warm," or "inviting." There must be two individual bedrooms, one for each of the heads. Most authors make Hermione's either lavender or red and gold, but that is up to you. Draco's room must be green, though. After you've acquainted Draco snd Hermione with their rooms, have them flirt and joke with each other. Make sure that Hermione falls asleep "with a smile on her lips."

 

This is the point where you must take a week, month, or maybe even a year long hiatus. By now, you have probably used up all the ideas you had burning in your head from reading other Dramione fics, and you must now come up with your own ideas to further the plot. In some cases, the author will simply abandon the story entirely. If you choose to do that, that's perfectly okay! In other cases, the author will return from their hiatus with either fluff or angst. If you return from hiatus, angsty arguments between our dear ship need to occur no matter what. 

 

If you choose to add fluff, I would suggest you add it in the form of unexplained friendship, spontaneous heart-to-hearts, or impromptu hugs between Hermione and Draco. After you have taken care of your need for fluffiness, you'll need to add some angst. You need to balance it out, after all. Have Draco insult Hermione, and in return, have her retaliate with punches and jinxes. This argument results in the two of them ignoring each other.

 

Now, you can't have your star-crossed lovers mad at each other forever. In the next chapter, the best friends intervene. Since we don't know many slytherins and Crabbe and Goyle are just disgusting, Blaise Zabini is a good choice for Draco's best friend. Besides, Blaise can be as hot as you want him to be, considering that he isn't ever described in detail in the books. As far as Hermione goes, you already established Ginny as her best friend. During the discussion between Ginny and Blaise, Ginny needs to call Blaise a "man-slut," while in her head, she thinks he's hot. It's fanon, just go with it. Somewhere in his chapter, mention that Ginny and Harry have broken up. You can't have Harry and Ginny together if you're going to dig into the Ginny/Blaise plot. Also in this conversation, Blaise needs to be admiring Ginny's "fiery red hair," her "fiery temper," and her "fiery personality." You MUST use the word "fiery" when describing Ginny. She is a red-head after all. The two of them plan to get Draco and Hermione together, having decided that they would make a perfect couple. (Also, no, you aren't the only one who's noticed that Ginny and Blaise would make a _perfect_ couple. So go ahead! Give them a relationship. They're both super hot, so it really doesn't matter how out of character you write them, as long as they are together) 

 

From this point foreword, you can split your time between Ginny and Blaise and Dramione. If you find that you like Ginny and Blaise more, that's alright, you can write more about them. Just make sure to have at least one paragraph about Dramione in each chapter. If you find yourself getting bored with Dramione and preferring Ginny and Blaise, that's alright too, you still have plenty of time to get back to Dramione.

 

However, if you want to have a longer story, you're going to need to come up with some manner of plot. It could be something as simple as an unexplained Christmas ball, or if you chose not to kill of Moldy Voldy before all of this, you could bring him back in and come up with a bit of plot centered around that. It's up to you how you do it, but through that plot is how you will make Dramione into a couple. You do need to spend quite a few chapters on this plot though. 

 

Now that they are finally together, they need to prove their love with lots of making out and smut. This is why they have a head dorm. You can write your smut wherever you want in their head dorm - the common room couch, Hermione's bed, Draco's bathroom, wherever you want! The possibilities are endless! However, there are a few things you need to keep in mind. When they aren't messing around with each other, they need to have cute pet names for each other. The popular ones are "Mione" and "Dray" or "Drake," but if you really want to, you can come up with something else. 

 

With a little more tweaking of characters, you have two perfect couples and a whole new circle of friends for Hermione and Ginny in the Slytherins, and things couldn't be better!

 

You're almost done, but you can't forget about Harry and Ron. About halfway through the year, after Hermione and Ginny have gotten their new boyfriends, of course, Ron and Harry need to find out. Now, since we're talking about Hermione and Ginny, they would go into over-protective mode anyways, but since their new boyfriends are _Slytherins,_  you have every right to make them go bat-shit crazy. Actually, it's recommended. Have them curse, hex, jinx, and otherwise harm Draco and Blaise. They can come out with whatever injuries you want, as long as Draco ends up with a broken nose thanks to a punch in the face.

 

Now, you're nearly there. Spend a few more chapters tying up your plot, resolve Harry and Ron's hostility towards Draco and Blaise, and then have your graduation ceremony! End your last chapter with a Dramione kiss.

 

Dramione lives happily ever after.

**Author's Note:**

> This is not intended as an ACTUAL guide to writing a story. This is a satire/parody of common tropes and repetitive moments in other Dramione stories, and anything found to be insulting was not intended as such. 
> 
> If you liked it, tell me why in a comment or drop me a kudos!
> 
> Thanks for reading


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